The one about estimates

Other: "How long will this take?"
You: "I don't know"
Other: "It's just a button like the other"
You: "I know it looks like the other button but there's a whole different list of things to consider"
Other: "But I need costs to prioritise"
You: "I understand, and I wish I could help you. You know I won't lower quality and you don't want scope being reduced... in that case time is an open variable."
Other: "Not again with the triangle thing. You've done that a thousand times, that's jour profession".

(pause for drama)

You: "Ok. Let's play this game. I've already told you about scope-quality-time, right?"
Other: "Yes"
You: "Ok, John/Jane/MrSmith... do you have kids?"
Other: "Uuuh. Yes. How is that related?"

You: "Ok, let's imagine I asked how long will it take you to bath, feed and put to sleep tonight. I need to know so we can skype with Australia".
Other: "Uuuh... well, If we have to skype I can have my significant other to do it"

You: "Don't be a chicken. Give me the time when the kid will be bathed, belly-full and wonderfuly asleep"

Other: "9pm"

You: "exactly 9pm?"
Other: "9-ish"

You: "and bathroom is cleaned, kitchen is all cleaned up too, right? No traces of food on the wall or ceiling, right?"

Other: "Ok, maybe 9.30"

You: "9 or 9.30. You mentioned you start your routines at 7.30 so you just admitted to a 30% potential deviation."
Other: "err..."

You: "But you do this everyday. Ok, forget about tonight. Let me ask you something different. What time will your kid be at kindergarten tomorrow?"
Other: "8.30 sharp"

You: "not 8.35?"
Other: "No, 8.30 or they have shut the door"

You: "And the kid was perfectly dressed and ate everything you prepared for breakfast, right?"
Other: "Well, not always."

You: "No traces of food on the wall or ceiling, right? Bed is made and there's no breakfast utensils laying around."
Other: "We have to make it to the 8.30 deadline"

You: "But you do this every day. It's you field of expertise. Daily repetition, same tools, same team, same risks, ..."
Other: "yeahs, but kids... entropy."

You: "Daily repetition, same tools, same team, same risks, ... I don't deal with any of those simplifications. Plus I also get entropy, arguably smaller than the entropy generated by kids or toddlers, but entropy nonetheless."
Other: "Ok, but how long will this take?"



Special thanks to Roger Segura and Yorgo Saslis, their parenthood inspired this story. 
DISCLAIMER: None of them are The Other in the story, they just happened to tell personal experiences that helped building the script.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.